5 Ways to Improve Anxious Thoughts

We all struggle with anxiety.  Anxious thoughts are a part of life. Managing them, and controlling them is a key to successful living and reducing overall anxiety in your life. These are some of my favorite tools to help reduce anxiety, improving the overall thought process.

1. 2 Question Rule. 

The 2 question rule is simple and effective. When you have a thought, ask these 2 questions:

• Is it true?

• Is it helpful?

So many of our thoughts are lies, or based out of irrational beliefs.  So simply asking if that thought is true is an important step.  “No one loves me.”  This is an example of a thought that we have, but the truth is everyone has someone that loves them. I may have that thought, but it isn’t true.  Another common thought I hear is “My needs don’t matter.” This is also not a true thought. Every person has needs and those needs are important.  Yes there are times especially as parents that we put our immediate needs aside to meet the needs of our kids, but the truth is that our needs still matter. At that moment we may need to meet someone else first, but meeting someone else's needs first does not negate the validity of our own needs. The second question we ask our thoughts: Is that thought helpful?  Sometimes we have true thoughts, but they really are not helpful to calm or quench our anxiety.  It is a fact that math is a difficult subject for me.  But if I am sitting down to take a math test, it is not a helpful thought.  It may be true that my schedule is overwhelming, but focusing on being overwhelmed does not help me accomplish my tasks.  Anxious thoughts tend to be untrue and not helpful.  Healthy problem solving thoughts help us get through our stress in a manageable way.  So if the answer to either of these questions is yes… then you need to disregard that thought and move on to true and helpful thoughts.  Don’t keep entertaining a lie that isn’t helpful.

2. Thought Stopping

Thought stopping is a great tool to cope with anxious thoughts. We can not always control random thoughts that pop into our mind.  EX:”Today is going to be a bad day.” Is a random thought, especially if you just spilled coffee all over yourself. Thought stopping is holding a stop sign up and stopping that thought from circulating.  I don’t need to get on the hamster wheel and think that thought over and over. Hamsters exhaust a lot of energy and get nowhere.  It is the same thing with anxious thoughts.  We can exhaust a lot of energy thinking anxiously and get nowhere.  Stop the thought by asking the 2 question rule. Then pause, replace it with a helpful,calming thought. “Just because I spilled a cup of coffee does not mean the whole day is going to turn out badly.  I am going to change, reset and have a great day!”

3. Facts over Feelings. 

So many times our anxious thoughts are feelings with no facts to back them up. Feelings flow abundantly throughout our day.  Just because I feel something does not make it true. We feel a lot throughout our day. There are also seasons in our lives that feelings are more intense than others. We often hear the term “big feelings” in our culture. Believing feelings without fact checking is a recipe for anxiety.  We need to evaluate and fact check those feelings to make sure they are valid.  Teenagers are especially susceptible to this struggle. Teens can feel like someone doesn’t like them, and because they feel that way they are convinced that that person really doesn’t like them. I can not count how many teens have told me that their teacher doesn’t like them so they don’t do the assignments. So the end result is that their grade suffers just because of a feeling or perception that they feel. I had one client who just didn’t feel like her parents loved her.  When challenged to share facts, there were none.  It was just a feeling because at times she felt her sister got more attention. Sometimes there are indeed facts. Parents can favor one child over another and it can be blatantly obvious. That is an entirely different situation.  We can deal with facts.  Feelings, especially big feelings, can create anxiety when there is not a factual basis to be anxious about.  It is vital to challenge our feelings with a neutral party to evaluate if my feelings are justified and valid or just feelings that I need to let go.  I compare this more to an ocean.  Waves come in and waves go out, just like feelings, they come and they go.  Anxiety increases when we focus on feelings as facts instead of just a feeling that I need to experience and then let go of. Many times we need to just follow Elsa’s example and “Let it go!”

4, Say the Anxiety Out Loud, Preferably to Another Person

This tool is really quick, easy and super effective.  Our minds can be a dark hole. 

When thoughts swirl around unchecked, or unspoken they make perfect sense. 

I can not tell you how many times clients will say out loud a thought that has

been haunting them.  With the proper space and time they come to their own

conclusion.  They will state “wow that really doesn’t make any sense.  Why when

it is in my mind does it make perfect sense and saying it out loud, I hear how

wrong that is.” Just saying out loud for them to hear how anxious, irrational or

illogical a thought is can be just the tool to reduce anxiety.

5. Future Prediction into the Positive/Flip the Script

This is a great strategy that defies your anxiety.  Anxiety is all about predicting negatively into the future.  Things like “I am going to fail that test.”  “No one is going to like me at the party.” “If I apply to that job, I know I won’t get it and everyone is going to think I am a failure.”  Anxiety always looks at the bad that could happen.  If you flip the script and predict into the future positively, it will shift anxiety.  “I have studied the best I can, I will do my best on this test.”  “I get along with most people, meeting new people can be fun. I am sure I will find someone to talk to.”  “If I don’t apply, I can’t get the job.  Taking risks is a part of life.  This is a good risk.  Trying new things is what makes life interesting.”  Flipping the script will reduce anxiety.  Looking at things from a positive angle will help process stress in a healthy way.  With anxiety we can talk ourselves out of any good opportunity.  Flipping the script to the positive opens doors and opportunities.

Reducing anxiety takes practice.  Practice these techniques to improve your overall thought and feeling process.  We are going to have anxiety.  But we need to manage it and keep it realistic.  Thoughts and feelings come and go.  It is OK to question their validity.  It is OK to experience a feeling and move on.  It is a good thing to process with others.  These are practical tools that benefit our overall mental health.  Anxiety helps keep us from being careless and protects us from danger.  When we are over anxious it creates a smaller world that we feel we shouldn’t take risks.  Keeping the balance is a key to mental health and a beautiful life.