The Scaling Strategy

I absolutely love the scaling question.  This is one of my favorite strategies in conversation, working from minor issues in counseling to severe ones.  It is also a great ice breaker in groups.  It is a fun way to ask about your kids day that you get more than “fine” as an answer.

So what is it?  

On a scale of 1-10- How do you feel about???  

1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8....9...10

Here are some fun examples:

How important is the super bowl to you?

How much do you like snakes?

How was your day today?

When your kids get in the car or you see one another say, “On a scale of 1-10.  One being the pits, 10 being the best day ever, how was your day?”  

As a follow up, let’s say they say a 7.  “What made it a 7?”  

Then, “What would have made it an 8? “

You can learn so much about people by doing a scaling question.  For anxiety, we all react differently to different levels of anxiety.  Some people flying in an airplane have no anxiety at all.  For others it is the worst thing they can imagine and they would never fly.  For me, I do not like snakes. At all. I think this is biblical.  But I have friends who love snakes.  To each their own.  Scaling questions just allow us to gauge how intense of emotions that someone has on a particular subject and what is important to that person. 

For mental health, I use this all the time.  It is a way to see how people are relating to one another. It is a way to see how intensely something affected them.  It is also a way to gauge if we are making progress.  It is also a way to see how they are coping in a situation. For more intense situations I can rate depression and suicidal thoughts.   On a scale of 1-10 how intense is your depression today?  On a scale of 1-10 how anxious do you feel today? If we start at an 8, it is my job to help them lower that number before we leave the session.

In family situations.  Sometimes communication is hard.  I may not be able to share my feelings but I can give a rating.  For example, a family can not decide between going to the beach or going to the mountains for vacation.  Taking a poll, rating each one, you could get an idea of how everyone felt.  If a family was trying to make a decision about where to go to eat, rating questions are a great place.  One of my personal favorites in my family is new recipe night.  No one ever gives feedback on what I cook.  So I ask on a scale of 1-10 how much do you like the new recipe.  Anything lower than a 5 is not going to be made again.  It is a great gauge to help out knowing how people feel. If someone hurts another person’s feelings.  On a scale of 1-10 how much did that hurt?  Sometimes we underestimate how someone feels.  It is great to ask, on a scale of 1-10 how angry are you?  It is a great starting point to understanding where someone is coming from. 

For relationships - the scaling question becomes more serious.  On a scale of 1-10 one being the least, 10 being the most, how close or connected do you feel to this person?  If they are both in the room, you can write it down and then share so they are more honest and don’t have the influence of who answers first.  For marriages, the hardest question is on a scale of 1-10 how committed you are to this relationship.  Sometimes the answers show how much work we have to do.  Sometimes they realize they are closer than they thought. Again, just a way to see where people are and have a starting point to jump from.  

For groups, this is a fun ice breaker. Go around the room, on a scale of 1-10, 1 being the lowest, 10 being the highest how important is:

• College football

• Ice cream

• Politics

• Christmas

• Education

• Vacation

• Global warming

You can be as silly and as serious as you want with a scaling question.  The reality is we are gauging where people land on a particular subject at a particular time.  We change and shift through the seasons of life. What is important now is not as important later.  This is a great way to see how people in your group or family feel about a particular subject.  

What I love the most is this tends to be more honest.  It is a starting point for decision making, expression and communication. It lets people in the room know where you stand and what is important to you without having to use a lot of words. It is for sure a conversation starter. 

So your challenge is to incorporate this more in your day to day. Try it out in situations at home, work and school.  On a scale of 1-10, how did you like this new series or movie?  It is a great way to spark a discussion. If someone is clearly upset, asking on a scale of 1-10 how frustrated are you?  This may help you know you need to give space or sit quietly until they can talk.  Many times in communication we miss one another because we are on different levels of intensity without realizing it. I could be really passionate about something that you think is not a big deal.  Having a starting point that we at least understand where the other person is coming from is really important. 

The goal in relationships is honest communication.  Scaling is a great way to start some good conversations from fun and silly conversations to serious understanding of what is vitally important to that person.  

Let’s get communicating! 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10