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Revive & Restore Newsletter
July 2026: Relationship Restoration
Romans 12:18: "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you,
live at peace with everyone."
Restoration
A struggling marriage.
A rebellious teenager.
A strained relationship with adult children.
A distance between loved ones.
Unresolved hurt.
Pain from strong differences.
There are so many things that can cause distance, pain and hurt in our relationships. The stress and strain of broken relationships causes so much distress. Really, this is what keeps us up at night. This is what causes so many tears. So how do we restore what is broken? How do we process through the pain? How do we get to the other side?
In counseling, I focus a lot on what we can control vs. what is outside our circle of control. This is so true in strained relationships. We can not control how others react, but we can observe, respond and change how we approach differences, difficulties and changes. Let’s look at some key issues that cause division and stress in relationships.
Miscommunication or misunderstanding. When we misunderstand one another we need to look at what we are doing that causes that. Ask “What did you hear me say?” Sometimes miscommunication happens because of the other person’s perception. Sometimes we are unclear about what we want or our expectations. Check in to make sure what you communicated was the message that was received with the intention that it was sent.
Failed Expectations- Sometimes this is also unrealistic expectations. One person can not meet all of the needs of another person. If I expect my adult child to call me every day, that may not be realistic. If I expect my elder parents to always be as strong and capable as they have always been, that will likely not be reasonable either. People and relationships shift and change as we grow and change. We need to be adaptable and look for and provide grace in these changes.
Selfish Desires- Let’s just be honest. We want what we want when we want it. When others don’t do what we want, when we want it we get upset and this causes divisions. The stronger the personalities and desires, the stronger the conflict. Be honest about your selfishness and encourage others to call you out in it.
Values Differences- We can value different things and this can cause discord. Be aware of what hill you want to die on. It can’t be everyone. Be willing to listen to others and their opinions even if you don’t agree. We can love the person, even if we disagree with their philosophies. Jesus did.
Different Narratives- This is one concept that really can cause subtle shifts. If someone has a negative thought about you and then builds a narrative or story line that grows it can really distort the relationship and shift from the truth. Let’s say I went to grandma’s house and she yelled at me because she was upset about something. If I let that one time become what I look for when I interact with grandma, I can really start thinking she is mean and hurtful. I will build a narrative around that thought that may or may not be accurate. Feelings can exacerbate truth and can lead us down a path that distorts truth.
So how do we restore relationships? Look at what you are doing that contributes to the hurt. Do you cause conflict? Do you avoid it? Sometimes avoiding conflict because it is hard or uncomfortable causes more strain in relationships than just saying how you feel and what you think. Are you stuck in the past and need to move forward? Do you need to communicate more clearly? We are on this planet to love God and Love others. To do that effectively, we need to do our part to promote healthy relationships, clear communication and effective boundaries.
Do your part to make amends, gain understanding and heal what is broken. A broken bone that heals correctly is stronger than if it had not been broken at all.
Devotional: Genesis 45
Joseph is the most poignant example of restoration of relationships. After his brothers sold him into slavery, Joseph was put into prison and then made a leader of Egypt. He had every reason to be angered, bitter. But he submitted to God’s ways and had a deep understanding of his purpose to actually save his family. He stepped back from the hurt and saw God’s hand of protection. Joseph desired restoration. His brothers were rightfully afraid. He restored their relationship and then saved their lives. He put God’s ways before himself. He restored the relationship because God had a purpose for the pain and even for the strain. God used the brother’s anger to eventually save the families. Joseph desired strong family relationships. He forgave, pursued relationships and restoration resulted.
Control Vs. No Control
Any time we focus our energy on the things outside of our control we have anxiety. When we focus on what we can control, we find strength and encouragement to move forward in healthy ways. Look at the circle of control. Which circle do you spend your time in and what can you control?
Holding onto hope, finding strength within.
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